I wrote this piece for The Brunch Club
It's an article written from the perspective of an inflated version of my self. Here's an excerpt:
So go ahead, Teen Vogue. Keep calling what you’re doing reporting. I’ll keep microwaving dog shit and calling it dinner. Maybe I’ll wash it down with a scalding cup of piss and call it wine. Because apparently journalistic integrity doesn’t matter anymore! I guess any ol’ rejected Northwestern applicant can log online and squirt out an engagement announcement without including the essential detail that one member of the new union once piloted a genetically modified gorilla-spider, also known as a Spider Monkey, against a genetically modified lizard-dinosaur, also known as a Slizzard, and won, saving both him and his sister from near certain death.