I contributed my opinion about a stock photo man's facial hair in a sponsored post for Askmen.com.
"Full disclosure: this man is so attractive he could shave “I know the words to every boy band song ever” into his beard and I would still compliment it. However, for the sake of professional facial hair analysis, I will try not to factor in that his jaw was cut from marble. If beards reflect someone’s nature, then this must be the most consistent man in the world. The uniformity of the hair on the top and bottom of his face is seamless. I can’t imagine the steady hand it would require to cut every hair on one’s head with such precision.”
Please note: The editor added the boy band line. I love boy bands. Though, the options I gave him for that line were "I am the Zodiac Killer" and "I do not believe in vaccinating children", so I understand why it was changed.